AUTISM DAREDEVIL

Apart from driving all over the planet to visit my brother Adam and fix his studio, then charging back 150 miles to do the Sonic TALK Podcast I have been something of a daredevil today in terms of socialising and I am feeling very proud of myself.

After a chance conversation with local self-development guru James Leet, I found out that he is President of my local branch of Toastmasters International and I decided to go along to find out more.

I am choosing to replace negative thinking and limiting beliefs at the moment and was extremely pleased to find the most positive group of people I have met this side of the twenty-first century.

The evening started a little strangely for me and I was aware of making a slight social fo-par when introduced to one particular woman. I hadn’t quite got my reply ready to “pleased to meet you” as the hand shakes were coming in very quick succession and I felt I gave her a bit of a “yeah whatever” hello. She reinforced this by giving me a slightly taken aback look and while I don’t think she took any particular offence I decided my best course of action was to state my intentions clearly when I introduced myself to the group once the meeting had started.

I have decided to reveal Aspergers to people as a matter of course, partly because I am fed up with being thought of as arrogant, aloof or weird. I should probably reframe that. My intention is not for it to be an excuse, more an explanation of why occasionally I get eye contact and body language completely wrong. I want people to get me and not be misled by my body language when it goes awry.

I am generally a great one on one communicator and can also speak to groups. What currently eludes me is multiple streams of quick one to one conversation in groups of four or five people. My coping strategy is to look very busy doing something else and appear to be catching snippets of the conversation between tasks. It usually works.

As a guest I was asked to introduce myself and spoke briefly about Aspergers during my introduction. I was actually slightly uncomfortable doing so and I need to work on why.

It was fascinating watching speakers who had completed different levels of the program and this was reflected in their speaking skills. It is clear that I can develop my current style with Toastmasters and move my speaking forward. One of the speakers was so comfortable with her role I almost imagined myself sinking into a huge armchair and relaxing as she took to the floor.

James had told me on the phone earlier in the week that there would be a section where people would be invited to speak, I took the opportunity and got up for the table topic.

I have done some pretty extreme things in my life, including driving, motorcycle racing, parachute jumps and other dangerous adrenalin evoking activities.

This evening has really got me thinking about danger and perceived danger. Gary Numan once took me up in his Harvard fighter plane. I thought we were going for a gentle flight around Cambridgeshire. Then he asked if I minded if he practised some of his stunt routine, I remember shouting “Okay, but what does that white mark on that dial indicate” and him responding “if I go faster than that in a dive the wings will come off”.

Seconds later the World was upside down and then we were tearing towards to ground. I thought to myself ‘I am sure he crashed a light aircraft’ just as the horizon balanced in front of me and the needle on said dial pointed bang at the white mark. A few victory rolls and a loop the loop or two later we land. I get out and brush myself off and we go back to the studio to make music.

In contrast, some twenty years later, the most difficult part of the evening (for me), was the meet and greet in the bar. On reflection, my adrenalin levels were probably on par with hammering towards the Earth at 280 miles per hour. At the end of the meeting I decided it was definitely for me and joined. I left the building, brushed myself off and drove home.