I Would Rather Commit Suicide Than Win The Lottery
My partner just pulled me up on something I wrote in yesterday’s blog.
The part I wrote about money.
We nearly always agree on everything and just discovered something which we totally disagree on.
Utterly fascinating.
She would LOVE to win the lottery.
I felt quite angry and said “I would rather commit suicide than win the lottery”.
She said “If I won twenty seven million on the lottery I would use it to start a business and make another twenty seven million”.
I replied “but what’s the fu*king point of that, I want to make my own money, it has to be an acknowledgement of who I am”.
Which is interesting, because I suddenly realise I have a belief system where I have money and self-worth collapsed.
I use money as a measure of my effectiveness in the world.
And perhaps my money reflects my self worth. Or at the least that I have done something worthwhile.
Yet bizarrely, I made the majority of my salary last year by doing bugger all.
A very good friend of mine once commented on the fact I was more anxious and depressed when I didn’t have money. He suggested if I got all my loans sorted out, I would be much happier.
I think he may have had it the wrong way around.
On the surface it looked that way, the reality was the anxiety and depression probably reflected my self-worth and my money situation simply ran parallel to it.
As I said in my blog the other night, I am learning about self-worth. I am learning I don’t need external validation.
Imagine a life where every criticism knocks you flat.
That’s been me up until now.
So maybe there are some other questions I should asking myself about money…
Maybe you could ask the same questions.
Of all the people I know who have money, who has done something worthwhile?
Do I know anyone (who doesn’t have this belief system) with a lot of money who is truly worthless as a human being?
If money isn’t a measure of value, what is it a measure of?
Is money simply a stand alone energy we can have as little or as much as we like of?
If I got given a twenty seven million dollar advance for my next book how would I feel about it? (considering I haven’t written it yet)
And finally…
If I would rather commit suicide than win the lottery, why do I enter every week?
See you on the other side of the looking glass,
| Print article | This entry was posted by Mark Ty-Wharton on April 23, 2009 at 22:28, and is filed under Subscriber. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. Both comments and pings are currently closed. |
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