mark ty-wharton

Something I have learned about myself in the past week or so.

Life is about possibility. Without me, there may never be a Transport
Museum in Biggleswade. In fact at the moment there is no museum at
all. Sure lots of people are having conversations about it, yet nobody
is really doing anything. The focus seems to be on what is not
possible rather than creating a possible outcome then taking actions
consistent with having such a place become a reality.

So what am I doing?

I am introducing myself as a new conversation about museums in
Biggleswade. I have captured the interest of a friend with an
engineering works who can also see it’s possible.

And as the man with the idea, I am the first point of contact. While I
see myself as the founder not the owner, I actually want to create it
so it lives on without me, way beyond my lifetime.

At this present point in time, there is nothing. The museum exists in
my mind and in a conversation I had with a friend. Unless my friend
sees it as possible, the conversation will die. I need to be
responsible for creating the museum in conversation such that my
friend “gets it” and continues to see its potential. Right here, right
now, “I” am the museum.

By making my life work, I am making the museum work. So coming from a
place where there is a museum, what steps do I need to take to get
there?

I recognise I need to operate from a solid base. If my life is in
chaos, I will occur to others as chaotic. People, out there in the
world need to get that this is happening.

So, in doing the housework I am taking the first steps towards
creating a solid foundation for a transport museum.

By managing my breathing, anxiety, panic attacks and subsequent
depression, I am creating the possibility of exemplary customer
service.

I see the world winding down for Christmas and realise I am starting
this project at the perfect time of year.

By the time I have my presentations ready, the local community will be
saying their New Year resolutions and being positive.

Launching ideas on a wave of enthusiasm can only serve the autistic
community I wish to provide employment opportunities for more fully.

This is where the true magic starts, right here, right now!

Visit http://transportarcheum.com to find out more about it.

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

mark ty wharton

motivating genii through you...
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Okay.

Panic Away is working.

I can see I initially had generalized anxiety as a child, then as I got older started to add situational anxiety into the mix.

When I was around 17 or 18 I tried smoking grass. While the initial effect left me with a profound at oneness with the Universe, my experience only extended as far as my high school religious teacher’s understanding of Bhuddism.

I really made it all mean something it was not.

Once at the public house that we were walking to, the laughter became an acute panic attack coupled with a feeling I was going mad.

Thirty years later I get to see I have my conversations about enlightenment and my experiences taking drugs collapsed.

My experience of getting high, IS a panic attack. So my experience of panic IS of expanded consciousness.

I am afraid if I expand consciousness too far, I will lose touch with real Mark and never get back.

I hold my breath for ages, then take a series of fast breaths till I get to the point I will faint.

I suspect I may have fainted at some point while “out of it” and don’t recall the event.

Up until the weekend I had a fear of not remembering what I had done.

Or, I would hazard a guess at it being the dentist, or an operation. Maybe how I interpreted something they said while I was under.

What I am really enjoying is being in the game of disappearing panic.

I can live with it sure, I have done it forever.

I can’t live with the conversation I am an enlightened being though, it is ridiculous.

Landmark Education just handed me a profound new understanding of what it is to be human, it is.

My understanding is Landmark is not really about enlightenment. What I have got is enlightenment about enlightenment!

There’s a looking glass sure, the reality on the other side is way deeper than mere reflection and certainly not whacky.

And breathe

See you on the other side,

mark ty wharton

motivating genii through you...
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twitter @mark_tywharton
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I completed The Landmark Forum last night, an empowering three day self-discovery course based on the world famous EST training, originally designed by United States Air Force leadership training consultant Werner Erhard.

The course was made famous by a string of celebrities like John Denver and Mike Oldfield whose careers literally exploded after doing it.

Werner also created The Hunger Project and consults with both Landmark and Harvard Business School.

I spent close to sixty hours in a chair exploring what it is to be human. Kind of a tough call for someone so alienated from society.

So now I am really clear where the spaced out and wacky Mark originates from. I actually connected with me. Not like an existential conversation about connecting with me, but a real connection with my being. I found “I”.

I also discovered I was quite literally born into a conversation for anxiety. Personal to me and not a part of the course. Maybe the reason I only got a fraction of what is possible in the past.

I have been in a state of general anxiety from the day I was born. I was given phenol barbitone when I was a tiny baby and was an agitated child. Pretty extreme. Poor me.

And suddenly here I am 46 years in with glimpses into what it is like to have normal adrenalin levels without using depression as the control factor.

What I really got was I have been using anxiety and panic attacks to manipulate people into giving me special consideration.

What I got to see from my participation in the course is that I don’t breathe properly. I hyperventilate and end up thinking really crazy stuff. And have done it so much, the unreality of it dictates my reality.

It is a very effective way of controlling people. “Look after me or I will lose it” leaves friends and family at their wits end wondering what to do.

Then we dealt with the issue of fear on the course. For some it disappeared. For me, I am in a place where I can take responsibilty for myself and do something about it.

I invent a new beginning for myself and recreate myself as a clearing for the possibility of being truly magical.

And I can see my relationship to my past is dictated by the possibility I invent for my future.

So my experience over the past few days occurs for me as truly magical, right down to the leader Jerry Baden, the flowers and the snow.

I also understood the whole course and was present (in mind at least) to the language right down to the commas.

So what next?

My transport museum conversation is expanding really quickly. I am piecing together key people to make it work and may even have someone lined up to buy the building to put it in.

Landmark disappeared my issues about marketing forever. And, I have partnered with someone to market my book.

I also made a decision to purchase a product which deals specifically with anxiety and panic. To do the program the way it is designed and to complete it.

I ordered Panic Away and have been working through the program.

It is all very grounding.

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

mark ty wharton

motivating genii through you...
http://mark.ty-wharton.com
twitter @mark_tywharton
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I play an energy game with money based on Todd Silva's Give Away A Dollar A Day.
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I decided to find a place to practice my Tai Chi this morning and play a game with it.

If you have been with me for a while, you will know one of my teachers is NLP guru Mr Twenty Twenty.

Twenty is remarkable in that he has been to the other side of death and come back.

I decided to play Tai Chi from different spaces and states this morning.

At first I was very internal auditory and very spaced out spiritually. Like outside my body, or at the very least not in touch with my kinaesthetic system.

I noticed I was creating anxiety, stress and worry. There was nothing expansive about the experience.

I tried a few other combinations, then I decided to experience Tai Chi the way a human being is designed.

I focused auditory externally and entered a state where my mind seemed to stop. A listening. An analogy might be that it was like being a Bhudda on a mountain top. Spiritual peace, silence.

I focused kinaesthetic internally and noticed my body and how it felt. I had a real sense of me, in the cold, in the woods, being me in the silence of the sounds around me.

I watched the Universe around me. The trees, the leaves, I could almost see the air moving. As I used my eyes properly things got brighter, more vivid.

Then I played a new game. A game called expansion. I imagined the silence in my head as an infinite being.

I wondered at my ability to push the boundaries of this infinite being outside of me.

Having expanded my spirit to the edge of my reach I realised I had created a zone. A clearing in the woods. A clearing in the Universe that is me.

Then I created a new story.

Right now I am in someone else’s space. And that person is standing in that space for my life.

Their space is so huge they create new paradigms for people to live into. And they get they are just another person!

And I can do that too.

I can be anything I want to be.

I can be as mango is to onion (sweetness is to tears). I can be the gold at the end of the rainbow. I can be the lightning in the night sky. I can be Aladdin in the hall of kings. I can be truly magical.

Kind of an amazing story to create from a Chinese walk in the woods.

Something to be alive for…

And maybe, just maybe, there is nowhere to get to. This rabbit hole is just another story. Another round on the golf course. A stance. A posture. A way of being.

But for that you’ll need to talk with my other friend in dharmaville, TP.

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

mark ty wharton

motivating genii through you...
http://mark.ty-wharton.com
twitter @mark_tywharton
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I play an energy game with money based on Todd Silva's Give Away A Dollar A Day.
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Wow…

I discovered something that terrifies me and I made the fear part disappear on my Landmark Forum.

When I am at home I talk out loud at pretty much anything and everything.

My inner dialog is external for the kettle, the toaster and everything else.

I discovered from time to time I speak out loud in public, if I am really focusing on something.

It is very common for people with Aspergers to grunt or make strange noises. My grunts come in the form of sentences from time to time.

The fear lives in “what If” as in “what if I speak my negative inner dialogues out loud”.

Like “I hate those shoes” or “she’s got a big bum” or worse.

Up until now i just went into anxiety and panic attacks at the mere thought of it. And while I love being in the machinery of my mind, I would space out instead, as well as avoid breathing so I didn’t have to deal with it.

Today I let go of the fear.

What seems to have happened is, instead of straining to keep myself quiet, I am allowing myself to just be with it.

For me, it meant “I am mad” and I was desperate to control it. And in reality I actually say some fairly sane stuff.

As a commitment to my acceptance of my inner, sometimes unintentional outer voice, I am going to clean up my act.

From now on to eternity, I choose to mention at least one positive thing in my inner dialog, about every individual who comes into my space.

And if I happen to mention your big bum out loud, you might want to consider it is only my opinion.

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

Mark Ty-Wharton

motivating genii through you...
http://mark.ty-wharton.com
twitter @mark_tywharton
subscribe via Feedburner or RSS

I play an energy game with money based on Todd Silva's Give Away A Dollar A Day.
If, like me, you believe in keeping the flow of energy in process throughout our Universe, then I invite you to make a donation to promote the continuation of this blog and podcast.

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Dear Reader;

So I want to create in language a new opportunity for you, my reader, to be inspired by this blog.

I usually create this space like I am broken and I dump my crap here. I apologise, I am not broken!

To date, this blog has been about as inspirational as dog sick, even my Mum unsubscribed. Really!

I just woke in a cold sweat – 03:40am

It’s all about me, all of it.

Everything in my space, has been put here by me.

I’ll hazard a guess and consider for a moment the Aspergers, the anxiety, they are just stuff I made up.

Not like in reality my brain does not work differently. It does.

More like, I chose it, then I made it a problem.

Imagine the value to science of someone who clearly distinguishes and notices everything about everything.

Then focus this mind on trivial nonsense and have it tell everyone it is broken (and broke – believe me without my credit cards I am pennyless right now).

Do you think Einsten was worrying what the other parents thought about him in the playground when he dropped his kids at school.

Did you see his hair?

I promise not to do that any more, like it matters.

I took a MENSA supervised IQ test last week, then pretended I didn’t.

I failed to make MENSA by a point (because I was busy sabotaging and believing my own crap).

Next time I take the test I will be aiming for the maximum score, 161.

This is not the Mark Ty-Wharton (aka Tinley) you came here to read about.

Did you know, everyone on this planet has a unique place here?

Did you know I am letting hundreds of adults with Aspergers and other disabilities down if I fail to open my transport museum?

Did you know my book has the power to really change lives? (people are telling me their experiences and I am not telling you because it is marketing).

Did you know all the best Internet markters hate me.

I just jibed at them like a jealous kid, then told all my friends EVERYTHING is a con.

It can’t ALL be!

The only real con artist here is me…

Not like my book isn’t great, it will change your entire life.

Like, there is so much more of the amazing Mark Ty-Wharton to give and so much more for you to get.

So what is the Landmark Forum?

Is it a con?

No way!

I have been reading Werner Erhard’s material prior to attending this course.

Werner created EST and the conversation is alive in Landmark’s courses.

The man is BRILLIANT. Not like I am trying to impress him if he reads this brilliant, like pure GENIUS.

The course is BRILLIANT.

You KNOW from reading my work (even my crap) how intelligent I am.

And from my razor sharp focus and from the paradigm of problems, I’ll dig one up if there is one.

So what am I saying?

I am saying I am no longer going to waste my time and yours by writing crap.

I am not saying anything else unless it is worth saying.

I am telling you right now DO THE FORUM. Google Landmark Education. No links, you’ll figure it out.

and I am requesting, if you get this, pass it on and ask someone to read my blog. Not just read it though, please register via Feedburner so I know you are here.

I already told you there is another side to the looking glass,

This is it!

Thankyou for listening

Mark

motivating genii through you...
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twitter @mark_tywharton
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I play an energy game with money based on Todd Silva's Give Away A Dollar A Day.
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blog.aspergineering.com

I have just returned from giving a talk in Cambridge about my experience of CBT.

While my intention is to benefit the people listening, the open discussion that followed proved to be useful as well.

I got to remember the human brain makes shortcuts, I make the processing of creative tasks simpler for you to undertake.

Though you consciously learn things, once we have done the steps a number of times, the brain will simply log the routine and go on auto pilot, your “aware” thought processes can be used for other things.

This situation = this result, without having to think out each step.

For example, if I learn to be afraid of dogs, rather than taking all the steps needed to initiate a fight or flight response, all that needs happen is for someone to say the word DOG and the adrenal glands will put me into a heightened state of alertness.

I won’t remember the first twenty or so times I encountered DOG, I got bitten by one, or it at least looked as if it would bite me again if it could get off the leash!

So I got to see where I have re-programmed some of MY dog thinking this evening.

As I talked through a couple of things I said things like “yes, well in that scenario, I do…” and then found I needed to correct myself and say “used to do…”

I got to see movement.

I was there, now I am here. You are here to!

You probably need a reminder to buy my book, or one of my audio products. You do that when you visit my Lulu store after you finish enjoying the blog.

I haven’t entirely solved social anxiety (if I choose to look at it as a problem), but I have created some new routines that don’t even entertain the old possibilities in certain situations.

Something else came to light too, as I looked through my medical notes to research my speech.

At each stage along the way, mental health services have discharged me after a few sessions.

What is missing for me is, I need ongoing help with some areas of my life.

Each time I need help with something I go to the doctor and ask for a new referral, which leads to a new assessment and so on.

The process of referral and assessment sometimes takes months.

Then after six sessions, I get discharged.

Surely, this is a total waste of resources.

I will ALWAYS be autistic. And I would be fair to say after 44 years of consistent diagnosis, anxiety is not going to just disappear.

I am actually going for another assessment tomorrow, to start the whole process again.

Okay, I am the guy who wrote a FREE eBook suggesting it is possible to view anxiety as an extreme sport.

At 46 however, there are some social situations that could be handled another way, rather than surfing through them on a fu*king roller coaster

So there’s ups and downs. What I can handle today may be tomorrow’s problem. And your problem child may become the perfect adult and inspire millions!

Surely it would be cheaper to provide mental health services to high functioning autistic patients on an ongoing and as needed basis?

Put all my medical notes in a central database, perhaps organised into key areas of ability and disability so that whoever is assigned to help me can easily see where I am at.

Food for thought perhaps?

As I said, I am here. You are here to!

Browse around, read more here… Visit my Lulu store!

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

mark ty-wharton, creative thinker | innovator | visionary

Buy my book now: http://stores.lulu.com/logicofattraction

Listen to my podcast: http://podcast.aspergineering.com

Blog via email: http://subscribe.aspergineering.com

Schedule me to speak at your event: http://www.autismhero.com

Tweet with me on twitter http://twitter.com/mark_tywharton

blog.aspergineering.com

I’ve woken this morning nursing a slowly churning stomach.
I dreamed about a girl called Jo.

I was in a house with my old friend Mark Stubbs.
We were preparing for her arrival.
She was a TV presenter in the dream.
She was to be an important guest.
She was also my ex-girlfriend, yet I told no-one.

I was charging around being very domesticated with a hoover.
She arrived.

I didn’t see her face, she was driving a huge baby blue American truck.
She was actually a character from my past.

Then I remembered calling her.
She had gone to Scotland with a friend.
This guy lived upstairs from her Finsbury Park apartment.
They had been camping or to a festival.
It was arranged before we started dating.

I remember being anxious about it before she went.
I was worried she would sleep with the guy.
I wanted to be cool.
So I said nothing.

When she came back I called her.
She was on the phone, gushing with excitement.
“I can’t go out with you any more” I said.
I knew it was the wrong decision.
I felt it in my stomach.

“Why not”, she wanted a reason… “Please tell me why”?

I couldn’t.

She was my best friends girl.

I had cheekily asked for her number, then worse, called her and invited her out behind his back.
Then I stole her from him.

Because of my own insecurities, I was afraid anyone else could do the same to me.
My anxiety was, she would sleep with anyone.

Maybe she did?
Later it caused the death of my friend.

So what is this feeling?

Am I still anxious, or is it guilt?

I watched YES MAN the other night.

It is beautifully put together and the portrayal of romance in the film is almost perfect.
Life isn’t like that!

In the film, Carl Allen makes a covenant with Terrence Bundley, a guy who runs seminars to teach people to say YES to life.
Carl agrees to say YES to everything.
Carl believes if he says no, bad things will befall him.

It reminds me of Landmark Education.
There is a part of a Landmark course around incompletions.
We were encouraged to find people from our past and apologise to them.
If they are dead, you write them a letter to complete.
Everything left unsaid is said.
If you don’t do it, you are stuck with the incompletion forever.
Another covenant perhaps?
Get it complete or bad feelings will befall you.

Even if I had Jo sitting in front of me right now, I wouldn’t know where to start.
Nothing left unsaid? I can’t even remember it all now.
She was outgoing, I was an anxious wreck.

My best friend is dead, I once wrote him a letter.
So why the slowly churning stomach.
Is there still an incompletion?
Of course there is.

But, does every incompletion constitute repeated contemplation on the matter?
Perhaps it is time to break the covenant I made with Landmark.

Perhaps it is time to say I am not proud of what I did, but it is in the past.
It is my history and it does not make me who I am.
I am not the sum of my past actions.
I am free.
I am creating myself from my future actions and intentions.
Right here, right now.

So do I need to find Jo and explain?
Even in my dreams?
Can I cure my churning stomach?
You bet I can.
I can have a nice cup of tea and smile at the memory.

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

blog.aspergineering.com

I love my life, I really do, but am I really living it? Or will I live it tomorrow, when time has already been and gone?

There are versions of the life I could have lived, lost out there in the sands of time because of the choices I’ve made.
The obvious ones are forgotten lovers.

I have fallen in love with several people during my life, and with the exception of my current relationship, I almost never recognize it at the time.
It used to be hard to distinguish between a person who comforted my anxiety and someone who really lit me up.
I can count on one hand the people I didn’t do enough for and in turn they slipped through these same fingers in one way or another.

Even in my current relationship I am now wondering if I am doing enough to nurture it’s longevity for a lifetime.
It is easy to fall into a routine as love blossoms. I have everything I want and more, perhaps I need to remind my partner of this more often.

I awoke from a dream earlier and it was so real, for a moment I thought it was really happening.
When I was 16 I fell in love with someone a lot younger than me.
When I was 18 or 19 I left a relationship I was in to be with that person.
I was only with her for a matter of moments, but the experience was amazing.
More significant things happened in that week of my teenage life than in any other.
I redefined my taste in music and experienced the timeless bliss of love in summer meadows, wondering at the nature of the Universe.

What happened next was a bit of a life changing event.
Under massive pressure from my friends, I was persuaded to return to my original pining girlfriend.
I was told that knocking around with a load of 15 and 16 year olds, going to parties with them, just wasn’t cool.
Getting back with my original girlfriend massaged my ego, for a split second she was flatteringly attentive.
Familiar ground and a reunion late at night led to me walking home in turmoil.
Stupidly, I succumbed to everyone else’s advice and made a wrong decision (for me).

I don’t think I saw the other girl for many years after that.
Somewhere in the back of my mind some infinite possibilities were lost.
Somewhere in the pit of my stomach 30 years on I can occasionally remember the feeling of separation.
Not for the first time, I had given up love, for the opinion of others. I was a fool!

Within days, the original relationship went back to being a roller coaster ride of jealousy, even dominated my life for 8 months when I moved to London shortly afterwards.
So what do I think might have happened if I had stood up to my peers?
Who knows, I may even have stayed in my home town? I might even be there today…

I actually have a recurring dream where I am a bit older and walk the route to the girl’s house.
In my dreams we are together under all sorts of different circumstances.
Last night I was in Los Angeles going to meet her at a party.
And when I wake up, I almost never realize I am 46 years old and have a daughter the same age this girl was when I first met her.

I haven’t seen her in years, yet a part of her is somehow stuck with me.
Some of the things we did are like photographic memories.
But why does this relationship stick in my mind?
I don’t think she is someone I need to suddenly have in my life thirty years on. I don’t even think I should have done anything any differently. What I have now, wisdom, is no match for youth. And I probably wouldn’t give it too much thought if it wasn’t for the dreams.

I definitely would not change the relationship I am currently in. By design, it is perfect.
I struggled through countless relationships to decide what works and what doesn’t to find out the kind of relationship I want to be in.
When I met my current partner, I immediately knew she was the one.
They say, you’ll know true love when you find it.

I am not sure as a teenager I knew very much about anything.
With benefit of thirty years hindsight perhaps!
As she sat there on the back of my friend’s moped, all those years ago, I was mesmerized.
And when my chance came?
Perhaps I wasn’t ready to “accept” love and felt I had to fight for it?

Or perhaps the lesson is more simple?
I think the answer is, I didn’t have the wisdom to take a stand for what I believed in.
I didn’t take responsibility for my feelings and fight for my right to be in love.

So you see, that is why I am grateful for that lesson and grateful for the dreams.
They remind me to love the people I love now and not wait thirty years to tell them I have loved them.
To stop and count my blessings, and to always do what is right for me!

See you on the other side of the looking glass,