mark ty-wharton

blog.aspergineering.com

I am in what is essentially a field.
I have paid £20 to sit here.
Hewn from the hillside is a dirt track.

My son Brandon, is racing up and down the hill on the Honda XR80 I attracted.
It was one of those intuition things.
I was looking for a bike for him on eBay and was drawn to a local sale for a larger bike.

I had a feeling a bit like when something is on the tip of your Tongue and can’t be recalled, except this was a new thought.
Something I hadn’t said before.
Something I was creating.

There has to be an old Honda locally, I had thought.
Better to spend £200 on an old reliable Honda than a modern Chinese thing that will break.
I have had enough of those.

When I looked at the photos, there was the Honda, just visible, tucked away under a tarpaulin.
It was local and exactly what I wanted for him.
I emailed the seller and they still had it.
He was planning to list it on eBay but hadn’t got round to it.
So we agreed on £60.

With a little work it is the perfect bike for Brandon.
I had the parts needed to get it going and it didn’t take long.
So here I am in a field.
Roasting in the sun.
Watching Brandon learn to ride a motorbike the way I did.
By doing it!

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

blog.aspergineering.com

Something I am learning slowly but surely is thanksgiving.
It sounds so horrible, cheesy and American.
And while I am at it, I should endeavour to have a nice day and wish the same on others with an insincere smile.

It’s all about marketing right?
It starts in the big stores like Macy’s, they really don’t mean it.
Just look at how society has programmed us.

And I speak for my self when I say, British people have a cynical, down right miserable, the world owes us a favour attitude.
And where is my favour today anyway?
Do you have it?
Can you wash my car for free?
No?
Ah well, fcuk the lot of you then, I’ll drive a car that resembles a dumpster (skip).

And don’t expect me to smile.
If I resemble a bulldog licking piss off a thistle, it’s because you simply aren’t doing enough for me.
The world owes me a favour right?
Where is it?
Where is mine?

Okay…
I have painted a picture.
I will paint another.

I am lying in bed, typing this on a tiny laptop and could equally be typing it into my iPhone in the palm of my hand.
Technology is amazing right?

I, the miserable English man, can bring you this message and within seconds, it can reach you, anywhere in the world.
I can expand your mind and touch your heart with the flick of a few membrane switches.
And why, because of the people who pioneered and programmed these devices.
So thank you, people who pioneered and programmed these devices.
It annoys me to say it, I appreciate you.

Next…
I am shifting my miserable creaking carcass from the bed to the hallway and throwing on clothes.
Calvin Klein jeans that cost pennies.
A Diesel top.
Thank you eBay.
That bastard international conglomorate, who rip us off, yet enable us to have amazing bargains at our fingertips.

Now I am downstairs and I have forgotten to switch off the burglar alarm.
I have woken up my child.
It was all going so well and now, I am a stupid idiot.
It is so interesting to notice, how left to it’s own devices, my mind would destroy my day.

I am standing in my kitchen, typing this on the tiny laptop.
The battery will last four hours.
In this time, I can go anywhere in my house and have information at my fingertips.
How long till I can have this running in a chip in my brain.
I want it and I want it now (stamps foot) – time is running out for me…
Or is it?

Now I am making juice using a centrifugal juicer.
Everything goes in whole.
Fruit from around the globe, delivered fresh to my kitchen.
I don’t even need to go shopping anymore, it arrived in a truck.
In response to a message online.
Delivered fresh to my door, from Ecquador.

Even the juicer arrived in the mail.
Technology made affordable by manufacturing it in China.
Thank you China.
I get to be thin, because some miserable bloke was a bit podgy.
He invented a juicing diet, now he is happy.
I simply followed it vaguely and lost fifty pounds.
Now I am healthy, even my blood pressure is perfect.
Thank you Jason Vale.

And I notice.
I break my blog up like a poem.
Thank you for my ability to write – my talent.
And thank you to all the writers I have read along the way.
Thank you for allowing me to express myself.
And thank you for the oppurtunity to be the poet laureat.
Anyone could do it right?
So thank you for oppurtunity.

So back to America.
And its great teachers.
One of my guides is a man called Mr Twenty Twenty.
Thank you Mr Twenty Twenty.

I finally see that giving thanks, is not a cheesy American past time.
It is not a fat white man with a donut and an insincere smile.
It is the way of the native and it has meaning.
It is the custom of a culture indigenous to the land of those that call themselves free.

And I can see exactly how it works and why.
I am doing it right now.
Taking charge of my day.

I can see I could be a miserable English man, moaning about circumstance.
Or I could be a native warrior, a fellow guide, wiseman and teacher.
Making sure the Ty-Whartons that follow, transcend the British way.

So just for today.

Thank you for the oppurtunity to be alive.
Thank you for the opportunity work things out for myself.
Thank you for the adventure playground of life and it’s infinite possibilities.

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

blog.aspergineering.com

I am a virtual participant on Todd Silva’s http://giveawayadollaraday.com program.
However with the resulting disruption of moving house, I haven’t been doing it as often as I need to.
With the additional expense, I have also been a more reluctant participant.

This afternoon I went to buy some rawl plugs to put up a blind.
I went to a local shop which I really enjoy, because it has all these overpowering smells.
The smell of garden chemicals, polish and creosote, pans, oil, stove blacking and the like.
A real old fashioned hardware store.

The guy has to be lucky to be there.
The DIY giants have almost definitely killed his trade.
But he is still there, closing for an hour for lunch and carrying on a tradition of putting screws in brown paper bags.

To meet my request, he handed me a lump of yellow plastic and asked for 50p
Then I asked for two stainless 10mm blots, something I need for the motorbike I am building.
He disappeared and rooted around out back for ages.
While I waited, I hid a pound on top of a jar of beeswax.

When he came back he handed me the bolts.
“That’s four pounds and fifty pence” he ventured.
I looked at him quizzically ‘are you fcuking crazy’ I thought. ‘I could buy these for 10p on eBay.’
I turned up my nose, flicked the bolts back at him and even though I was holding a sizable mass of change declared I did not have enough money.
He looked at me disgusted and literally THREW them in a drawer.
I walked out.

As I walked away I started to think.
‘How does this fit with my ethos of supporting that shop?’
It simply didn’t.
‘I just LEFT a pound in his store, so what if I were to consider the extra cost of the bolts as an unspoken gift to him?’
I turned on my heels and went back and told him I had just found change in another pocket.
To his surprise, I bought the bolts.

I had a slightly strange feeling as I left the store.
He KNOWS he is overcharging for the bolts and KNOWS I wasn’t too happy about it.
He has no idea why I went back and bought them though.

I have counted him into the program as a few lost Give Away A Dollar A Days.
I am now considering shopping with other more expensive vendors and supporting the stores that light me up by integrating them into my tithing process?
But, do you think I should tell him?

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

blog.aspergineering.com

I joined eBay about ten years ago when I discovered that trends are regional even global and that it was possible to buy popular and expensive items from elsewhere for next to nothing.
I drove Nick Rhodes absolutely crazy by trawling through listings of CT70 motorcycle parts.
I bought all sorts from America and built an American spec monkey bike.

What I found incredible was a motorcycle frame that was popular here and would sell for a couple of hundred pounds, was virtually worthless in the US and would sell for a few dollars.
The gap in the global collectors economy has narrowed these days though I still buy motorcycle parts from India from time to time.
The other thing about eBay was, when I decided to live on a boat (for the second time in my life) I was able to sell all my possessions and raise the purchase price of the boat and a lot more besides.
For me, eBay was the place to bargain hunt and trade, I even made a few friends along the way.

These days I almost never use eBay to sell.
When I do, I tend to have a negative experience.
I just sold a huge American style fridge to a woman who called me and left a long voice mail complaining it would be too large to fit in her new extension.
I actually rewound the message and listened again.

Yes, I was right; she explained she had made a mistake and went on to say what a pain in the arse everything was, however, not once did she venture an apology.
There was no “I am so sorry to have messed you around”.
Just “See if one of the others wants it”.

Final value fees are based on the value an item makes when it is sold.
I don’t think the woman appreciates she has just caused me a considerable amount of inconvenience (in that I now have to find someone else to buy it) as well as costing me money.
The real sting in the tail?
The fridge is still available new for £850.
My fridge is in outstanding condition.
The selling price £280.
Talk about looking a gift horse in the mouth.

So what has changed?
My observation is that nearly all the original cool traders on eBay have moved on culturally.
We are all on Freecycle; giving things away, being of service to others and playing a new karma game.
The joy has gone from eBay and the vultures have moved in.

Don’t get me wrong, I love a bargain as much as the next person.
But at what price.
Do I need people who can’t muster an apology and feel the World owes them a favour?
I have Aspergers and can manage not to treat another person with such contempt.
So this woman really has no excuse!

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

blog.aspergineering.com

In keeping with my current life goals, I am going to keep this really simple.

I am going to explain the concept of paradigm shift really clearly in a few words.

I have been clearing.

My physical world is full of my past and it needs to go.

My problem is I always get stuck.

I don’t know what to do with things, how to categorise them.

I am a hoarder!

I learned a new trick yesterday. Or should I say I applied the trick of divergence to my situation.

You can read more about divergence and paradigms in The Logic Of Attraction

The question I always ask when going through my things is “Will I ever need this again, is it useful”?

The paradigm is based around saving things for the future in case they are needed.

It’s a pretty common paradigm, known to most as “Waste not, want not”!

I applied one of the exercises from my book, thought it through and finally I had one of those aha moments. I hit the Z axis!

What if I were to ask the question “Can I throw this away” instead?

Suddenly everything has a category.

It either fits “I can throw this away”.

Or it fits:

“I can’t throw this away because…”

And the because becomes the place to put it.

Some of these may include:

In the spares bin for the studio.

In the spares bin for one of the bikes.

Back in the Duran Duran storage facility.

On eBay.

On Freecycle.

And so on.

I want you to get how simple this is!

The questions you are asking form your paradigms in life.

Ask a different set of questions and you are on a different path.

Think about it.

Then think about it some more!

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

blog.aspergineering.com

I am going to use my blog as a sounding board for an idea. I gladly welcome comments on what I write over the next few posts and with permission would like to use relevant stories. If you post a comment please bear in mind it may end up published elsewhere.
I have decided to write an e-book about panic disorder.

While this book is a ‘left field’ look at what I have figured out about me, it may just work for you to. I invite you to listen to my story and take what’s useful and leave what’s not behind.

This blog entry will form the basis of chapter four.

When I started working for Duran Duran in 1993 I had such bad agoraphobia that I could barely leave the house to buy groceries.

I literally pushed myself so hard to go on their worldwide tour that I had no choice except to learn to deal with people.

The first show I remember working on was at The New York Academy. In itself this was weird, as I was diagnosed as having “panic attacks with agoraphobia” three years earlier some fifteen miles away in Hackensack, New Jersey – where I had lived.

Standing on stage checking over Nick Rhodes’ keyboards in front of several thousand people was a pretty good starting point for someone who normally sat at home in a room on his own in front of a computer.

However, I am a go getter in life and not a lot stops me.

The effect on me was feeling huge waves of completely irrational non-reality and paranoia. I was really light headed and thought I was going to wet my trousers!

I spent two nights hanging off the back of the stage in complete terror thinking ‘if those keyboards pack up I am going to have to go and fix them in front of all those people’.

“What if”…

The crowd surged into life on one side of the stage, buzzing and alive.

A cheerful, outgoing, competitive in a friendly sort of way, and completely confident Simon Le Bon bounced into view like A.A.Milne’s ‘Tigger’.

While I, using roughly the same set of neuro-chemistry, experienced the most intensely frightening, upsetting and uncomfortable experience of my entire life.

So maybe there is a clue.

In the case of extreme sports, or being a rock star it’s a good buzz, in the case of anxiety or panic it’s not so hot.

Is it simply down to perception?

Maybe because the person experiencing them accepts the buzz as part of the experience.

So why don’t I accept the buzz as part of my shopping experience?

Why do I want it to go away?

Recently I’ve had a huge realisation. I actually don’t want it to go away at all. Every time I get into a vicious cycle, I am perpetuating it, deliberately.

Every time I have a conversation about how terrible I am in social settings, I drive my anxiety levels through the roof. Every time I drive my anxiety levels through the roof, I get something back. I get roughly the same set of neuro-chemicals as someone participating in extreme sports or singing on stage.

As I said in the last chapter. I get my hit for free.

So where else in life are people trying to control the uncontrollable?

I have a friend who is addicted to gambling. I used to think it was about the money till he stopped gambling with money. He enters tournaments and does this thing, where he never ever wins. He has the ability and skill to win, only he doesn’t want the win. He wants to lose.

His game is to beat everyone up until the last round, then to lose everything. I imagine as the game builds he creates a lot of anticipatory tension and that, because he knows he is going to lose his last hand, there is a huge neuro-chemical release around the point he does that, which he keeps coming back for more of.

He may not be spending money gambling at the moment, however he has found a way to invest time into getting his buzz. He spends all his free time doing it. When the buzz is over, he moves on to a new game.

You can try this for yourself. Find an item you really like on eBay which has several days left to run. Each day go and look at the item and visualise it being yours. Imagine where you will put it, or what you will do with it. Decide on a low price you would like to pay for it. If it is an item worth $100 set your sights on paying $10.

Don’t bid. Just watch. Concentrate on the item becoming yours. Build the desire. Spend time reading the description. As other bidders put the price up, accept you will have to pay more. Don’t bid. Allow your perception of the value of the item to increase during the days leading up to the end of the auction.

You need this item. Without it your life won’t be complete.

Now on the last day of the auction, check back every hour. In the last few hours check back as often as sanely possible. Don’t bid. Set your sights on this item being yours whatever the outcome.

Wait until the last minute. Whatever the bid is in the last 45 seconds place a bid one bid increment above it. For example if the item is now $51 enter $52.

Now wait for the auction to end. In those last 45 seconds how do you feel? Regardless of losing, or winning, your neuro-chemistry should be through the roof.

You expect things to work out a certain way, yet you have no control over the outcome. Your body responds.

It responds with roughly the same set of neuro-chemicals that course around the snow boarder’s, the rock star’s and the gambler’s physical system. Roughly the same set of neuro-chemicals that course around the anxiety suffer’s system and those that go to trigger a panic attack.

In the same way he is driven to go for that buzz again and again, so am I. In a way, I have become addicted to the buzz and the way I fuel my addiction is to make life unpleasant for myself so I can get more of those neuro-chemicals.

Without my negative perception of what’s happening to me, there is nothing to fuel the fight or flight response.

Panic disorder?

Horrible isn’t it…

Yes it is…

And the more I say that to myself the bigger buzz I’ll have!

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

blog.aspergineering.com

I was reading a thread on The Wrong Planet Forum about Aspergers and special interests earlier.

Someone wanted to know if they could make a guy pick her as his ’special interest’.

The general opinion was ‘no’ and I tend to agree.

To explain, people with Aspergers, including me, have ’special interests’ – basically compulsions to do things, often an all consuming passion.

A life long interest of mine has been to write and I am currently ‘in action’ on writing, with regular blogs, books and so forth streaming out of my consciousness.

To put it in perspective my partner is trying to get my attention to kiss me, so she can go to bed and I am ignoring her.

So, you are currently getting considerable value

If I was with anyone other than my extremely understanding partner, my relationship would be in jeopardy if not over.

Anyway, forums in general are one of the places I like to write and Wrong Planet gets my vote at the moment because I can follow it via twitter and read posts on my phone.

And so it was, we were out and about today and I read the thread about ’special interests’.

We discussed it.

I was asking my partner what mine were.

Up until I switched back to writing, it was eBay.

It has been eBay for about ten years or so.

eBay sort of encompassed everything and was the perfect Aspergers platform.

I could search for items related to other special interests, music technology, circuit bending, monkey bikes, choppers and tractors.

Poor Nick Rhodes had to endure a monkey bike on an eBay screen in the studio for several years, I used to build them in the drum booth too. Roger had nowhere to put his drums!

I still go on eBay from time to time, except my relationship with them is like a love affair gone sour.

Every so often I go back to see what has been going on, only to find they are up to their old tricks.

I find it hard to justify selling on eBay now.

I would rather give my items away.

Unfortunately it is probably still the best place on the planet to connect with people.

To this end I am selling my book on eBay.

You can find it here, I’ll even sign it for you

If you don’t want a signed one, you can also buy it from lulu.com or Amazon.

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

blog.aspergineering.com

It was brought to my attention in a call last night ‘I DO NOT WANT’ to let go of the Duran Duran Access All Areas tour passes I am giving away in the competition I am running.

I have an attachment to them.

There is a block.

It was suggested I should wait till I am ready to give them away. Agreed, but I want to stretch.

For me it is a clearing exercise.

I am choosing to clear the block and let go.

So what is it?

What is the block?

From a logical stand point the passes have no use to me whatsoever.

Yes, they represent my memories of 15 years touring with Duran Duran as a synthesiser programmer, but beyond that they are pieces of plastic kicking around my house.

The idea that they may be worth $100 each on eBay is of no interest to me either.

I can think of easier ways of making $100.

So where is it?

Where is the block?

What am I trying to remain in control of and why won’t I let go?

It doesn’t end there either.

I have another competition running. It has NO entries. Again it is blocked. And if there is a block, the block must be in me.

The second competition is for a £500 motorcycle. The beneficiary will be a teenager.

The teenager has to find a mentor to win. Someone who will commit to training them how to build a bike. The idea being that the skills to build a bike will be passed to the next generation of bike builders. There is no shortage of mentors willing to pass on their knowledge – so again it has to be me.

The second competition is really important to me. When I have the money, my ambition is to set up a transport museum. I want to employ master craftsmen, old guys in their sixties and seventies and I want to employ teenagers and have the old guys teach them to be craftsmen.

But I thought, why wait till I have the money. I have a spare motorcycle I could give away. Why don’t I start doing it now?

I decided to do one of the exercises in my book to see if I could find a solution.

What came to mind surprised me.

It was a story of mistrust.

And my mistrust stems from a belief I inherited, a belief that is somewhat harder to shift than one I created the evidence for.

My story goes, when my Grandfather retired, he decided to sell his large country farm and put his money into stocks and bonds.

Local developers approached him to buy individual plots to build on, but my Grandfather refused to sell the farm as anything other than a going concern.

He was a genuine farmer and grew broccoli, kept cows, sheep and pigs and while he made a lot of money from spring cabbage, he liked to do a bit of everything.

He even wrote a book or two and you can find “Good Pig Keeping” and “Good Sheep Farming” on Amazon or eBay by running a search for Noel Lea Tinley

Anyway after all the offers and schemes, he finally found someone to sell the farm to and settled into retirement.

He didn’t aim to get the best price he could, he aimed to keep the farm together as a going concern.

So what happened?

Within months of buying the farm, the purchaser had planning permission and was selling it off as plots.

They even converted the barn into flats.

What is left of the farm today?

A single undeveloped field which belongs to my father and his two siblings.

I believe I know how he felt.

In my book The Logic Of Attraction I talk a lot about challenging beliefs. I actually say:

Find new evidence to challenge them. If you know their origin, check in with the person you inherited them from.
Make sure you got the right end of the stick. Maybe the person has cleared that belief for himself or herself, changed their mind, or learned something new since they taught you?

So I checked in with Dad today and I asked how Grandfather Noel had coped with what had happened.

It seems I have made up my own story about it. My story is that it really bothered him.

The reality of it is that after the farm sold, he lost interest. He had the money for his retirement and when he died, my Grandmother had plenty of money until her death.

I think my version of the story is the source of my block and I have been avoiding making the same mistake.

So, I guess I need to look at what it would mean if someone sold the things I am giving away and profited from the proceeds.

I guess I would feel like I had been suckered. (How I think my Grandfather must have felt).

I guess the DURAN DURAN competition is complex so that I can make sure the winner is not a profiteer.

I guess the motorcycle competition is the same.

Should I choose the wrong person to give the prize to?

I would feel like a bit of an idiot.

Can I trust that the Universe will guide me to give it to exactly the right person?

Yes, I think I can.

In LOVE, enjoy my competitions and I look forward to picking the winners soon.

Duran competition here: http://aspergineering.com/blog/index.php/2009/02/access-all-areas

Motorcycle competition here: http://www.britchopper.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?t=14939

See you on the other side of the looking glass,

blog.aspergineering.com

I had a LOVE day today.

I planned to take my toddler to school, then return home and use the time to finish editing a podcast.

On the way home, I got a call from a friend who is fund raising for an event.

She said “I am asking people to give me money in the name of LOVE what do you think?”

And as we were discussing the idea, we both decided we would happily give someone £30 if they asked for it – especially if they said they needed the money to benefit other people – that the money was going to a cause in the name of LOVE.

I started thinking about Todd Silva’s http://giveawayadollaraday.com

I get an enormous amount of pleasure from knowing that someone will find my pound and put it to good use.

I also have a new attitude towards finding money, which is interesting.

Rather than look at it and think ‘Well it isn’t mine is it’ and pop it in a charity box, I now think ‘I wonder if someone left that there for me.’

I believe money is energy. And the energy that flows through everything? LOVE – at least that is what we currently define it as.

Therefore MONEY = LOVE.

So I said “I’ll give you £50 for LOVE.”

Slightly shocked, my friend said “but I am not asking you for the money”

“Yup, I know, I’ll give it to you anyway” I replied.

I pledged to give it to her in cash when I see her on Monday.

When I got home I walked in the door and thought “What else can I do for LOVE”

Then the phone rang…

It was Nightingale-Conant!

I spoke to a very nice chap there about LOVE.

Then I went and had a LOVEly bath.

Then I went and collected my toddler from school and recorded a podcast about LOVE at the same time.

I LOVEd the rain.

I came home and had super juice which I LOVEd.

Then participated in the weekly SonicTalk music technology podcast which I LOVE.

I looked at this motorcycle which I LOVE.

Ate a LOVEly meal and went out to a LOVEly singing lesson.

And now I am sitting writing – which I LOVE…

Next to my beautiful partner who I LOVE!

By expressing LOVE through one simple act of altruism, I experienced a day of pure JOY.

My podcast completed itself.

And everything I have done today has been peaceful.

I LOVE IT

See you on the other side of the looking glass,